Elon Musk: The Tech Casanova?

Elon Musk: The Web’s Worst Boyfriend or Tech Casanova?

Good day, everybody! Welcome, welcome! You understand, I have been studying about Elon Musk in recent years. Oh, come on, you realize who he’s—the Tony Stark of genuine existence, the SpaceXplainer of all issues house, the… the Bitcoin tease. This man is so long term, I guess his diary is written on an iPad from 2040.

Lifestyles with Mr. “I am Running on Mars Colonization”

So, Elon simply had any other biography written about him. As a result of, you realize, one biography isn’t sufficient for a person who desires to colonize Mars. In it, Walter Isaacson describes how tricky Elon is in relationships. And that is coming from any person who frolicked with Steve Jobs, so you realize he’s noticed some issues.

Simply consider courting Elon. “Good day, honey, wanna Netflix and kick back?” “Nah, let’s simply simulate a Mars touchdown. However you’ll choose the planet subsequent time.” Put out of your mind dinner and a film; you might be signing up for quantum physics and SpaceX launches!

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From Tesla to Dating Hell-sa

Elon’s exes say he is emotionally risky. It appears, he has more than one modes—like one among his Teslas. There may be “Relax Elon,” “Workaholic Elon,” after which… “Demon Mode Elon.” In Demon Mode, he’s both launching a rocket or your feelings into the stratosphere.

His first spouse, Justine, stated that once they danced at their wedding, Elon whispered that he was once the “alpha” within the courting. Alpha? The man named his child X Æ A-Xii, which seems like any person smashed their head in opposition to the keyboard and known as it a reputation.

Asperger’s or No longer, That is a Lot

Ok, positive, Elon has Asperger’s, however does that make him ship a C-section picture of Grimes to her whole circle of relatives? Even though you’ve got Asperger’s, there will have to be a fundamental “Do not Do Silly Stuff” protocol hardwired to your mind someplace, proper?

And let’s now not disregard, this can be a man who doesn’t take holidays. As a substitute, he does “paintings sprints.” His concept of a holiday is more than likely making you sit down thru a 10-hour PowerPoint presentation in regards to the risks of AI whilst sipping on battery acid.

Ultimate Remarks: Elon’s Comfortable Facet

Now, ahead of you suppose I am handiest right here to roast Elon, let me say this: the person has a young aspect. Like when Talulah Riley’s buddy died, he flew to England simply to be along with her. It’s great. It’s more or less like when Godzilla stops destroying town to puppy a kitten. It doesn’t make you disregard in regards to the town, however aww, have a look at the little kitten!

Elon and Justine Wilson: The Alpha Tango

Ah, Elon’s first spouse, Justine Wilson! We have now all heard of the alpha male, however Elon took it to any other degree when he whispered to Justine that he was once the “alpha” throughout their first dance at their wedding. Wow, not anything screams romance like setting up pack dominance at the dance ground!

You understand you might be in for a deal with when your wedding evening comes to phrases extra suited to a Nationwide Geographic documentary on wolves. “Honey, will you howl on the moon with me?”

Their courting was once described as having “large arguments in public.” Ah sure, as a result of what may well be extra romantic than shouting over rocket schematics at a pleasant eating place?

Believe this: The massive day has arrived. Elon Musk and Justine Wilson are status at the dance ground, surrounded through the smiling faces in their family members. The air is thick with romance and ambition—as a result of, let’s be fair, with Elon Musk, there is all the time an underlying layer of ambition, even at his personal wedding. The primary dance starts, and what does the king of Tesla and SpaceX whisper into his bride’s ear? No longer “I like you,” now not “You glance gorgeous,” however “I’m the alpha on this courting.”

Sure, women and gents, that is proper. Whilst maximum grooms are content material with a smooch and a dip, Elon’s already setting up the pack hierarchy. I will nearly pay attention David Attenborough’s voice narrating, “And right here, in his herbal habitat, we see the Alpha Male saying his position within the pack, a ritual infrequently seen in human courtship.”

But it surely does not finish there! Oh no. As a result of what is a wedding with no theme, proper? And for Elon and Justine, the theme appears to be “Nationwide Geographic: The Wolf Pack Version.” It is as though Elon checked out conventional wedding vows and idea, “Until dying do us phase? How about until the alpha calls?”

For those who suppose the wedding was once a curler coaster, wait until you pay attention in regards to the public arguments. Ah, sure. Image your self playing a quiet dinner at a trendy joint. Comfortable jazz within the background, your date seems gorgeous, after which from the nook of the room, you pay attention any person yell, “I informed you, Justine, the rocket needs to be reusable!” Ah, candy nothings, however now not in reality.

Justine, to her credit score, is not one to go into reverse. So she fires again, “Elon, for the affection of God, are we able to please discuss one thing instead of rockets for as soon as? How about we talk about who is disposing of the trash this night?” To which Elon would retort, “Doing away with the trash is a waste of human doable! That is a job for robots!” And the orchestra in their love continues, one argument at a time.

Ah, however in spite of all of the ups and downs, and the very, very public downs, those two controlled to create a existence in combination, a minimum of for some time. As a result of as everyone knows, Elon’s love for attaining new frontiers is not just restricted to SpaceX. Now and again, the ones new frontiers are new relationships.

Nonetheless, Elon and Justine gave us one thing to contemplate: Love is not just about affection or compatibility. Now and again, it is about discovering that particular any person you’ll argue with at a complicated eating place about whether or not a reusable rocket is a better human fulfillment than, say, understanding whose flip it’s to clean the dishes. Ah, trendy love!

Elon and Talulah Riley: Take Two and Motion

Then there was once Talulah Riley. Married, divorced, after which re-married to Elon. It is like a device replace. “We had a couple of insects within the first model of this marriage, let’s roll out Marriage 2.0 and hope it does not crash!”

Talulah as soon as stated that after her shut buddy died, Elon flew to England to be along with her. They “simply watched silly TV and laughed.” It’s a must to surprise, was once the TV in reality silly or have been they staring at rocket launches long gone unsuitable on a YouTube blooper reel?

Ah, the sequel we did not know we wanted, however were given anyway. As a result of in case you are Elon Musk, why forestall at launching rockets or electrical automobiles? Why now not relaunch a whole marriage?

It is like a Hollywood blockbuster: “Elon & Talulah: The Reboot.” Handiest this time, as a substitute of recent actors or a twist within the plot, it is the similar actors, similar plot, however with “worm fixes and function enhancements.” You understand, the type of device replace that makes you suppose, “Did the rest in reality exchange?”

“Marriage 1.0 was once a laugh,” you’ll consider Elon announcing, “however have you ever attempted Marriage 2.0? Now with extra emotional bandwidth and higher balance in opposed prerequisites!” And someplace in a Silicon Valley convention room, a staff of courting engineers are furiously coding the brand new model.

However you have to give it to them, they do have some romantic moments. Like when Talulah’s buddy gave up the ghost and Elon flew all of the technique to England simply to be along with her. Ah, that is candy! What did they do? Watch “silly TV and snigger,” Talulah stated.

That leaves us questioning: What qualifies as “silly TV” within the Musk family? Have been they staring at fail compilations of people’s rocket launches? You understand, sitting again, consuming popcorn, and Elon going, “Glance, Talulah! That is not the way you land a rocket! Hahaha!” Ah, not anything brings a pair nearer than failed aerospace engineering.

However in spite of their ups and downs, and the uninstall-reinstall procedure they went thru, Talulah and Elon gave it a cast pass. Their love tale is a testomony to the age-old adage, “If to start with you do not be successful, relaunch your marriage and spot if it sticks the second one time!”

Who is aware of, perhaps 3rd time’s the appeal? With Elon, you by no means in reality know what is subsequent. Mars? Every other Tesla type? Marriage 3.0? No matter it’s, it is going to be out of this global!

Elon and Amber Heard: The Dramatic Saga

We will be able to’t disregard Amber Heard. Musk described their courting as “brutal.” Ah sure, not anything like a love tale that may be summarized with the similar phrase we use for gladiator fights.

Brutal! With regards to Elon Musk’s courting with Amber Heard, that is the phrase of the day. You pay attention the phrase “brutal,” and also you suppose UFC cage fights, medieval jousts, or staring into the abyss of an Excel spreadsheet on a Monday morning. However no, it is how Elon Musk describes courting. Ah, love within the age of Tesla.

Elon and Amber’s romance was once much less of a “stroll at the seashore” and extra of a “walk thru a minefield.” Are you able to consider date evening? As a substitute of Netflix and kick back, it is like “Tesla and Stress.”

“Good day, Amber, do you want some popcorn together with your high-stakes emotional drama?”
“Provided that it comes with a facet of existential dread, Elon.”

Now, we will be able to’t say we are stunned. When you are juggling rocket launches with divorce papers, what is a little bit brutal romance at the aspect? It is like Elon noticed his courting standing choices and idea, “Unmarried? Married? How about ‘It is difficult in house’?”

Their courting was once as solid as a SpaceX rocket prototype. You understand, the type that appears superior however may just explode at any second. Someday you might be unveiling a progressive automotive, and the following you might be navigating the explosive ruins of your courting, considering, “Is it too overdue to transform this into some more or less renewable power?”

Ah sure, Musk and Heard: the couple that makes Romeo and Juliet appear to be a fairy story and Cleopatra and Mark Antony look like mere kid’s play. As a result of if you find yourself in search of a love tale, why opt for Shakespearean tragedy when you’ll have a Silicon Valley cleaning soap opera?

Elon and Grimes: The Long term is Now

After all, we come to Grimes. She stated that Elon “friends love with being imply or abusive.” It seems like Elon Musk is the one man who may just flip “Netflix and Relax” into “SpaceX and Tension.”

Grimes known as it “demon mode” when Elon will get in reality intense. I will see it now. Elon sits down on the dinner desk and says, “Babe, as a substitute of a romantic getaway, how would you’re feeling a couple of romantic Mars colonization?”

I consider happening a date with Elon comes to sitting thru PowerPoint displays about synthetic intelligence taking on the sector. As a substitute of roses, you get a bouquet of Tesla charging cables.

Ah, Grimes and Elon Musk, the couple that makes us all ponder whether we are dwelling in a science fiction film. Their love tale is as futuristic as Elon’s companies. It is the real-life model of “Her,” excluding the working machine sings indie songs and designs ordinary child names.

Grimes known as Elon’s intense emotional state “demon mode.” You understand, maximum {couples} argue about whose flip it’s to do the dishes or what display to observe on Netflix. However those two? They debate whether or not AI goes to be a benevolent overlord or the tip of humanity. Ah, younger love!

Are you able to consider a regular date evening? “Honey, as a substitute of going out for dinner, how about we calculate the potential of a self-sustainable ecosystem on Mars? Oh, and as a substitute of dessert, we’re going to do possibility tests for the SpaceX Starship.”

The object about Elon is that he does not convey you plant life; he brings you blueprints. As a substitute of whispering candy nothings, he more than likely whispers quantum physics equations. “Darling, you might be as very important to me because the Planck consistent in quantum mechanics.” Swoon, am I proper?

When Grimes stated Elon may just affiliate love with being imply or abusive, I believe she intended love thru rocket thrusters. It is like their hearts do not beat; they blast off. Maximum {couples} argue over who left the bathroom seat up. Elon and Grimes argue over who left the spaceship hatch open.

So yeah, courting Elon Musk is like being in a futuristic rom-com the place the primary characters are phase geek, phase rockstar, and fully unpredictable. As a result of let’s accept it, you’ll’t spell “Grimes and Elon” with out “OMG, extraterrestrial beings.”

Courting Elon Jokes

1. Elon Musk’s love existence is sort of a SpaceX release: bold, difficult, and once in a while issues simply blow up.
2. Courting Elon is like proudly owning a Tesla: swish and trendy, however you might be all the time nervous about working out of power.
3. They are saying by no means pass to mattress offended, however with Elon, you by no means pass to mattress. There are rockets to release!
4. Elon’s the type of man who would plan a romantic getaway to the World House Station.
5. Elon does not whisper candy nothings; he whispers inventory projections.
6. Within the Musk family, the word “I would like house” has a wholly other which means.
7. Elon does not get a divorce, he simply schedules a “machine replace.”
8. A love letter from Elon more than likely contains a minimum of 3 charts and an offer for a brand new type of transportation.
9. Elon provides an entire new which means to the word “it is not you, it is me… and my more than one corporations.”
10. Elon Musk’s model of cuddling is keeping palms… whilst concurrently tweeting about cryptocurrency.
11. Elon Musk’s love language isn’t “Phrases of Confirmation.” It’s “Phrases and Stipulations.”
12. When Elon fights along with his female friend, do you suppose he yells, “To the moon!”?
13. Elon more than likely makes use of his personal tweets as pick-up strains. “Did you’re feeling that? That was once my inventory going up.”
14. Courting Elon will have to be like courting Wikipedia: all the time informative however by no means in reality positive if it is true.
15. Elon Musk’s courting recommendation: “Stay your feelings as solid as a SpaceX touchdown. So… now not very.”
16. If Elon Musk wrote a romance novel, it will simply be the handbook to a Tesla Fashion S.
17. Elon’s concept of a romantic evening out is a PowerPoint on why romance is inefficient.
18. For those who get a divorce with Elon, do you get loose lifetime supercharging as a parting present?
19. How lengthy ahead of Elon invents a courting robotic that all the time has the same opinion with him? Oh wait, it is known as Twitter.
20. Elon and Grimes named their child X Æ A-Xii as a result of that is the password to Elon’s center. Excellent success seeking to take into account that.
21. Elon’s marriages are like his rockets: able for a relaunch.
22. “Elon & Talulah: The Sequel” – Coming to a courthouse close to you.
23. If Marriage 1.0 did not paintings, simply stay up for the patch replace: Marriage 2.1, now with much less arguing!
24. Musk’s motto: “Fail rapid, relaunch sooner, remarry quickest!”
25. “Tool replace to be had: Marriage 2.0. Do you want to put in now or be reminded later?”
26. With Elon, it is not about discovering ‘The One.’ It is about discovering the most recent model.
27. Elon does not want a love track; he wishes a person handbook.
28. If handiest Elon may just make his marriages as sustainable as his Teslas!
29. Talulah will have to have felt like an early Tesla type—nice however wanted a few updates.
30. Between the rocket launches and the wedding vows, Elon’s in reality into countdowns, is not he?
31. Elon Musk did not simply shoot for the celebs; he shot for the alpha identify too.
32. Put out of your mind Mars; Elon and Justine’s courting was once without equal frontier.
33. For Elon, even love needs to be reusable. Therefore, the more than one marriages!
34. Elon does not imagine in love to start with sight; he believes in love to start with a hit rocket release.
35. Justine and Elon: The couple that argues about house in combination, remains in combination? Smartly, now not somewhat.
36. Their courting wasn’t written within the stars, however it was once no doubt sketched out in a rocket blueprint.
37. Justine will have to have identified she was once in for a experience when “I do” got here with phrases and prerequisites.
38. It is not “child communicate” within the Musk family; it is “rocket communicate.”
39. Believe the wedding counselor’s face once they heard in regards to the “alpha” whisper throughout the primary dance!
40. If Elon whispered “alpha,” what do you suppose he yelled throughout arguments? “To infinity and past!”
41. You want to energy a Tesla with the strain between Elon and Amber.
42. Elon as soon as stated he desires to die on Mars. Amber more than likely sought after him to depart quicker.
43. “Brutal” may be how I describe the WiFi at my grandma’s area, however I suppose a courting with Amber Heard is more or less the similar factor.
44. If Amber and Elon had a love track, it will be “Rocket Guy,” however the rocket is solely filled with emotional luggage.
45. Elon’s love existence: powered through Tesla, difficult through Amber.
46. With Amber, Elon found out the one factor tougher to land than a SpaceX rocket—a drama-free courting.
47. If Elon may just create a renewable power supply from drama, he’d be set for existence.
48. Love is within the air, and so is the SpaceX rocket—each are similarly risky.
49. Brutal, however a minimum of now not as brutal as looking for a parking spot for a Tesla in LA.
50. The affection tale of Elon and Amber—as a result of each superhero wishes a fancy backstory.
51. Elon as soon as stated he desires to retire on Mars. With Grimes, it is extra like, “Honey, do you wish to have to spend our golden years in a Martian biodome?”
52. If Elon and Grimes ever get a divorce, their “It is difficult” standing will probably be visual from any other galaxy.
53. Grimes and Elon—a courting programmed in Python and maintained in chaos.
54. A romantic stroll for Elon and Grimes is a excursion across the Tesla Gigafactory.
55. Demon mode? Appears like the most recent Tesla using surroundings.
56. As a substitute of couple’s remedy, they more than likely go for a Mars habitat simulation.
57. They do not write love letters; they ship encrypted messages thru SpaceX satellites.
58. For his or her anniversary, Grimes more than likely talented Elon a quantum laptop, and Elon reciprocated with a map of doable Martian touchdown websites.
59. They did not simply smash the mildew; they shot it into house.
60. With those two, the “honeymoon section” may just actually imply a shuttle across the Moon on a SpaceX rocket.

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